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Giants, Athletics Bats Imitating The Weather: Bay Area Sports Week In Review

What's colder lately? The air temperature or the bats guys like Aubrey Huff, Miguel Tejada, Mark Ellis and Hideki Matsui are bringing up to the plate?

Editor's Note: This post was written up shortly before the A's exploded for 14 runs against the Angels. The writer is a Giants fan, the editor is an A's fan. We'll just leave it at that.

I don't want to hear it from all you people in other parts of the country who have to deal with so-called "real" weather. The weather here is brutal right now. It's May. I should be squinting because the sun's out, not because rain is blowing into my eyes, even when I carry an umbrella. My wedding ring shouldn't be sliding off my finger because it's so cold all the blood's left my hands. I wore a beanie today to work. Nobody's supposed to do that in San Francisco this time of year besides Tim Lincecum. No, we don't have to deal with hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards or consistent humidity, but we also pay more for to rent one-bedroom apartments than people in other areas of the country pay for 3,500 sq. ft. houses on an acre and a half. We're paying for the right to not walk around in 48-degree weather with 20 mph winds. Especially in the middle of May, the time when a boys thoughts turn to baseball players rounding third, heading for home...

Hell, we don't even get to see that this year. The Minnesota Twins only have two good offensive players and they're both broken, so forget about them. If it weren't for the Twinks, this weekend's matchup between the San Francisco Giants and Oakland Athletics would be a fierce crossbay battle for the title of WORLDS ... WORST ... OFFENSE!

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! And almost every day in between! Get ready for double plays! One-pitch at-bats! And COMEBACKERS, COMEBACKERS, COMEBACKERS!!!!! ... Giants! A'S! We'll sell you the whole seat, but you'll only need the EDGE!!!!

It's a show fit for weather like we've been having. All this great pitching without any hitting is too much suffering for one to bear -- and it's almost ruining my Napa County Viognier.

Lucky Lacob?

- In an attempt to change the Warriors' recent luck in the NBA Draft Lottery, Joe Lacob went to Secaucus, NJ and tried to move up from the No. 11 spot by sitting on a chair and smiling into a television camera. The Warriors ended Tuesday night with the No. 11 spot in the draft.

- A lot of Warriors fans have already called for the team to try to draft Bismack Biyombo, an 18-year-old physical freak. No, that's not hyperbole, the Biyombo's wingspan is 7-7, even though he stands just short of 6-8. He's 245 lbs, with 4.8% body fat. Upside alert! Sounds like a guy who's stock is going to soar far too high for the Warriors to have a chance.

- For the record, I hope the Warriors get a swingman like Kawhi Leonard or Alec Burks, since any center available at No. 11 would probably be available for a reason (like calling Andris Biedrins' game and work ethic "inspiring" during the pre-draft interview process). Leonard isn't exactly an offensive genius, but the Warriors could use a little extra toughness and he would certainly provide it.

- Then Hoopshype goes and mocks the Warriors drafting Jimmer. Somebody at Hoopshype has a good sense of humor.

- The Sharks won a thrilling Game 7 against the Red Wings, after Jeremy Roenick gave his own version of "tough love" to the leading playoff scorer in Sharks franchise history, Patrick Marleau. Oh, but Roenick's a huge fan of the Sharks, so it's okay. When Roenick cried on TV after the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup last year, it wasn't because he felt a kinship with the team he played for during the first eight years of his career, it was because he still felt bad for the Sharks, a team he played with ... for two years.

- I'd love to figure out how 95.7 FM sounds, but I can't hear it in my apartment. My apartment that's right in the middle of downtown San Francisco. Tough to get a huge following when your signal's only slightly stronger than the FM feeds they use at drive-in movie theaters.

- Jim Harbaugh's biggest recruit since leaving Stanford: Alex Smith.

- Awesome when you spend all evening (and half a column) snarking it up over the local baseball teams' lack of offense and the A's go and win 14-0 over the Angels while you're finishing the rest of the post. In a related story, the A's reached first place in their division on Tuesday, the same day the Giants relinquished the top spot in the NL West to the Colorado Rockies.

- Just watched HBO Real Sports' latest, led off with a feature on chewing tobacco in Major League Baseball. Interesting that they snooped around the Giants' clubhouse looking for cans of dip, and pointed out the can in Tim Lincecum's locker. The quotes they got from players' union rep Mark DeRosa made him look kind of like a tool, as well. This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain rival premium cable channel broadcasting what some would argue is a near-reverential reality series featuring the very same San Francisco Giants. Naahhhhhh.... Next you're going to tell me Sports Illustrated was biased against Barry Bonds after Bonds blew off Rick Reilly.