We rank the NFL teams by current backup quarterbacks. Put it this way. If any of these guys are starting a significant portion of the season, you're going to be staring at Mel Kiper's oily hair a lot more in the upcoming months.
1.- Jon Kitna. The anti-Tony Romo. Reliable, steady, harmless. He will provide you instant averageness at the quarterback position. If Jerry Jones cared at all about his fanbase's mental stability, it's clear who he should start.
2.- Charlie Batch. Roethlisberger looks like he's mortally wounded. Batch starts warming up. Big Ben gets up and goes straight to the huddle. Batch never seen again. Tragic.
3.- Shaun Hill. To most teams, the holy grail of backup QBs. To the Lions, a harbinger of gloom, because 7-9 is on its way.
4.- Matt Flynn. He nearly beat the Patriots that one time on Sunday Night Football. You know, that Patriots defense that's been shredded by any live body with a half-decent arm.
5.- Jake Locker. Sure he can only complete every other pass, but let's drag this illusion on as long as we possibly can.
6.- Tyrod Taylor. Tantalizing at this moment, only because the Ravens defense will eventually ruin him in practice.
7. If you watch this highlight reel, you'd think Skelton was the next Joe Flacco. Now, if only the Cornell defense can be subbed in for the Jets 46, we've got the man of the future here. Sure beats watching Kevin Kolb.- (from the football powerhouse Fordham).
8.- . Chase Daniel is what a backup quarterback is all about--a virtual unknown who might do things if given the chance. Unfortunately, he's in the wrong place to prove himself. Too bad.
9.- Kyle Boller. Man, that arm, man, he can throw it deep man. Four verticals and we're showing our East Bay style. They should just throw that ball up and away, and that team's gonna do things, man.
10.- Caleb Hanie. Mike McCarthy nearly went from Super Bowl Champion to "fired for losing to dude taking his first real snaps ever as NFL quarterback." Still one of the more mystifying things you'll ever see.14.
11.- Colin Kaepernick. This is what an NFL quarterback in the larvae stage looks like.
12.- Billy Volek. Remember when he upset the Colts in that AFC Divisional game with that fourth quarter drive? How can top-line NFL defenses be so bad against backup quarterbacks in the playoffs?
13.- . You can talk yourself into Seneca Wallace. You can pretend you really want Seneca Wallace out there. Then he's out there. And you're kind of lost for the rest of the experience, and you're not sure what you just watched.
14.- Brady Quinn. You'll know he's in the game once you see Denver burning to the ground on your nightly news.
15. some 49ers fans still want him, right?- David Carr. Hey,
16.- Bruce Gradkowski. He should be higher on this list. But falling behind a ginger rookie QB isn't just a slap in the face, it's an elbow to the groin.
17.- Mike Kafka. Worth it for the millions of jokes about cockroaches. Not really worth it for much anything else.
18.- Mark Brunell. He does a real good job holding the football.
19. Never seen a more thorough Wikipedia entry for a dude who played average football for one season, then was barely heard from again. No one can say Chiefs fans aren't thorough in their explanations.- .
20.- Chris Redman. When Bobby Petrino was done rotating a washed-up and an eternally washed-up , in came Redman. That Redman was batting cleanup to those two is like watching a three-legged dog.
21. He started half the season for perhaps the most unwatchable football team of the last decade. So he's got that.- .
22. St. Louis Rams - A.J. Feeley. He was number one last decade. Multiple years I'm thinking.
23.- Charlie Whitehurst. Remember that pass to ? Someone does. Someone does.
24.- Matt Leinart. All the Texans need to do is bring in and , and can spend the rest of his football career doing the Nelson Muntz routine on them.
25.- Christian Ponder. The guy the Vikings drafted to show they were serious about tanking for Andrew Luck.
26.- Matt Moore. You know, the guy who got benched for .
27.- Brian Hoyer. Bill Belichick will make this guy look like . Then when he gets traded, he'll land someone else in the lottery.
28.- Josh Johnson. If you could run the Nebraska I option offense in the NFL, he'd be tops. But no, clearly impossible.
30.- Jimmy Clausen. Just to make Panthers feel a little bit less happy that Cam Newton's their quarterback, remember those two words every time he scrambles into open field.
31.- Tyler Palko. Cut by a UFL team once. If the Chiefs had any guts about putting their horse in the Luck sweepstakes, they'd start him RIGHT NOW.
32. You know why.- .