clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The All-Demigod Team: Coco Crisp Thinks Highly Of Himself

The Oakland Athletics, in the midst of their offseason plan of "what in the holy hell are the Oakland Athletics doing," have signed Cuban free agent Yoenis Cespedes, who is a center fielder. The only problem with this (besides not making any sense at all) is that the A's already have a center fielder: Coco Crisp.

According to Susan Slusser at SFGate, Crisp conducted a phone interview on Tuesday and said (among other things), "If someone feels there's someone better than me, it's hard for me to believe. Unless he's a demigod come down from the heavens, no one is going to outshine me in center field."

Putting aside for a fact that Crisp seems to think fairly highly of himself, he's raising an interesting point here. Demigods -- be they Greek, Norse, or miscellaneous -- might be quite well-suited to the game of baseball. Since baseball fans love making lists that compare players, especially if it involves futzing around with lineups, I present to you:

The All-Demigod Team

Manager: Gilgamesh. Has the smarts and experience needed to build a true dynasty.

Starting Pitcher: Cycnus. The son of Ares has plenty of nasty stuff, but can have trouble closing.

Relief Pitcher: Orpheus. Doesn't look imposing, but when he really gets into a rhythm, watch out.


LF: Orion. Terrific eye, unstoppable determination to get on base. This is the guy you want leading off. Scouts can be put off by his size, but he's the real deal.

2B: Perseus. Crafty and scrappy, he has the contact needed to be the perfect #2 hitter, or to slay a Gorgon. Whichever you need.

1B: Heracles. Dude swings a literal club. Best suited to man first base, but can still surprise you with his athleticism.

DH: Achilles. Still has plenty of power, but mobility issues limit him to being a strictly DH or off-the-bench guy. His raw talent at the plate still warrants a spot in the lineup, but he won't be stealing any bases.

3B: Aeneas. Bridges the gap between the Greek and Roman demigods. Massive talent, tremendous head for the game and can also serve as translator in a pinch.

C: Theseus. You need someone behind the plate who is not only athletic, but can really take a beating. Theseus once killed a dang minotaur. I rest my case.

RF: Minos. The elder statesman of the team, he can still go. Serving a mentor role to the younger demigods is invaluable.

SS: Arcas. Prone to making some mistakes every now and then, but still possesses enough elements of "gritty" and "gamer" to trick Zeus himself on occasion.

CF: Coco Crisp. "I'm going to make all the plays."

For all news and information regarding the Oakland A's, please visit Athletics Nation.