With a combined 12-26 record thus far in the season, one thing is clear for the Golden State Warriors and Sacramento Kings. The battle bragging rights in the Bay is more like a battle for lotto balls next spring at this rate.
Myself and fellow contributor Avinash Kunnath took a little time for a light-hearted breakdown of both the Kings and Warriors this season to finally decide once and for all what team is better at being worse. I'll be providing the W's commentary, while Avi the Kings:
Jackson Vs. Smart:
ME: Mark Jackson: He's learning on the fly with limited time and talent, but speaks of his team as if they're the Miami Heat. "Mama there goes...another loss."
AVI: Keith Smart: Took a guy who wasn't good enough to coach the Dubs, made him coach after a few painful losses. Proceeded to be almost just as inept. This team is a bit diseased this year.
Winner: Push
Curry Vs. Evans:
Stephen Curry: Son of Dell, Brother of Seth. A truly superb talent with Toothpick ankles.
Tyreke Evans: Evans is really good at holding the ball. Sometimes he passes. Sometimes he drives into traffic and tries to finish in traffic. Most of the time he dribbles, dribbles, dribbles, dribbles, pulls-up, clanks.
Winner: Curry
Ellis Vs. Thornton:
Monta Ellis: Arguably the W's best player, and likely the first one shipped out of town. Loves to hold the ball until 0.4 seconds to chuck the buzzer beater. And how could I forget the Brett Favreian off-court discrepancies?
Marcus Thornton: Like Evans, without the passing and the driving, plus more turnovers.
Winner: Ellis
Wright Vs. Salmons:
Dorell Wright: "Hey man, you can have three's or you can have D. You can't have both."
John Salmons: ALL I DO IS MISS.
Winner: Push
Lee Vs. Thompson:
David Lee: The quietest double-double machine in the NBA, almost whisper quiet. That is when he's not bitching about fouls that weren't called, of course.
Jason Thompson: Can shoot. But can't rebound. Exactly what you want from your PF.
Winner: Lee
Biedrins Vs. Cousins:
Andris Beidrins: Hates contact, especially with the basketball. Has an incessant case of the Monday's. The only constant? Hair gel.
DeMarcus Cousins: Probably the best thing about this team. And he got suspended by the team on a bizarre public release and shoots under 45% from the field.
Winner: Cousins
W's Bench Vs. Kings Bench:
Warriors Bench: A mix between The Island of Misfit Toys (Brandon Rush, Nate Robinson, Kwame Brown, Dominic McGuire) and Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (Klay Thompson, Charles Jenkins, Jeremy Tyler). Wait, Earl Barron is on the team? Oh, and Ekpe Udoh.
Kings Bench: Jimmer! Can shoot. And miss. Like everyone else in this team. J.J. Hickson crashes the boards. Then misses the putbacks. Donte Greene! Misses threes all the time. Isaiah Thomas! Interesting because he's short, but shoots just as badly as the rest of them. Francisco Garcia! Makes me sad. Travis Outlaw. Why is he on this team.
Winner: Push
Overall Tally: Warriors 3, Kings 1.
Warriors Win!
It isn't much of a win, but a win all the same. Now let's see how it plays out on the hardwood.
For more on the Kings, head over to Sactown Royalty. For more on the Warriors, check out Golden State of Mind.