For 49ers fans too bitter to rehash, or for Raiders fans too bitter at life in general, here's what else is around for your viewing entertainment, at various points during the day.
Animal Planet: Puppy Bowl VII. PUPPIES!
MTV’s Jersey Shore / Teen Mom 2 marathon
Style Network: Jerseylicious
I don't care if you hate the teams playing today. If you end up on these channels, you are enemies of America.
Syfy Channel: Ghost Hunters.
Travel Channel: Ghost Adventures.
Apparently, paranormal fans are not big football lovers. Who would've thought.
TNT: Law and Order
USA: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
A&E: Criminal Minds
If the game is a blowout, this is where you should turn. You might get tricked into thinking you want a law degree.
Spike TV: 1,000 Ways To Die. Why stop at 1000? Why not involve all the reasons that Raiders fans die day-by-day?
Finally, the TV stations that'll be going all out for the ladies. Send your wives and girlfriends to the other TV if they're actively sniping at you (or divorce/break up with them. There's always that).
TBS: Chick flick marathon: Pretty Woman, The Holiday, My Big, Fat Greek Wedding, and Mamma Mia!
Lifetime: A movie marathon: My Stepson, My Lover, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger, and Do You Know The Muffin Man.
Oxygen: America's Next Top Model, then a Snapped crime marathon.
E!: Sex and the City episodes, plus Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Holly's World, and Bridalplasty, plus the movie The Princess Diaries
VH1: Basketball Wives
Bravo: The Real Housewives of Atlanta and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon, which I guess is a contest for which show makes you hate yourself more for watching it.
TLC: Say Yes to the Dress marathon, followed by Toddlers and Tiaras marathon. This is below the bottom of the barrel.
I hope all this convinced you to watch the Super Bowl, because other than watching little dogs wander around a play-pen, there's nothing else I'll probably watch tomorrow night.