Animal Planet: Puppy Bowl VII. PUPPIES!
MTV’s Jersey Shore / Teen Mom 2 marathon
Style Network: Jerseylicious
I don't care if you hate the teams playing today. If you end up on these channels, you are enemies of America.
Syfy Channel: Ghost Hunters.
Travel Channel: Ghost Adventures.
Apparently, paranormal fans are not big football lovers. Who would've thought.
TNT: Law and Order
USA: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
A&E: Criminal Minds
If the game is a blowout, this is where you should turn. You might get tricked into thinking you want a law degree.
Spike TV: 1,000 Ways To Die. Why stop at 1000? Why not involve all the reasons that Raiders fans die day-by-day?
Finally, the TV stations that'll be going all out for the ladies. Send your wives and girlfriends to the other TV if they're actively sniping at you (or divorce/break up with them. There's always that).
TBS: Chick flick marathon: Pretty Woman, The Holiday, My Big, Fat Greek Wedding, and Mamma Mia!
Lifetime: A movie marathon: My Stepson, My Lover, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger, and Do You Know The Muffin Man.
Oxygen: America's Next Top Model, then a Snapped crime marathon.
E!: Sex and the City episodes, plus Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Holly's World, and Bridalplasty, plus the movie The Princess Diaries
VH1: Basketball Wives
Bravo: The Real Housewives of Atlanta and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon, which I guess is a contest for which show makes you hate yourself more for watching it.
TLC: Say Yes to the Dress marathon, followed by Toddlers and Tiaras marathon. This is below the bottom of the barrel.
I hope all this convinced you to watch the Super Bowl, because other than watching little dogs wander around a play-pen, there's nothing else I'll probably watch tomorrow night.