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Chris Cohan's Epitaph: He Will Not Be Missed

The obituaries have arrived for Cohan's two decade disaster reigning over Bay Area basketball. The reaction from around the Bay is tantamount to what George Costanza experienced when Susan licked all those envelopes--disguised elation. You've already heard how happy Bill Simmons is. The happiness for Warriors fans seems to be universal.

Kelly Dwyer of Ball Don't Lie kicks off the parade.

Warriors fans deserve it.

Honestly, this team's fan base is about as passionate as NBA fan bases get. They know these guys, and they've loathed Cohan since the first Clinton administration. And Cohan has enabled a series of terrible coaches, worse personnel types, and pathetic front-office mugs (your Rowells, your Rileys) to take advantage of one of the more intelligent legions of team-specific fans we've seen. He messed up what could have been a brilliant thing, and he'll deserve all the lip he can get for presiding over the second-worst overall NBA record over his miserable time owning the squad.

After the jump, more eulogies, more piling on.

Monte Poole of Bay Area News Group:

After 15 years defined mostly by acute misguidance, petty squabbling and consistent losing, the most mocked owner in Bay Area sports history dances out the door with a succession of victories.

Chris Cohan wins.

By announcing Friday he is selling the Warriors for his asking price of $450 million, he wins the money war.

By receiving an NBA-record payment, obliterating the old mark of $401 million, he wins the vanity war.

By outlasting Larry Ellison, the brilliant and indefatigable software billionaire who has practically patented the art of getting what he wants, by any means necessary, Cohan even wins the ego war.

Tim Kawakami of San Jose Mercury News:

He’ll be remembered for 16 seasons of zero plan–or constantly changing plans, year to year, reaching out for the quickest fix and the easiest scapegoat.

He’ll be remembered as the man who ran a franchise that acquired, publicized, mis-used, lost with and then spit out dozens and dozens of players, one after another, with each player touted by willing shills, who then would happily trash each of them when their usefulness had passed.


He’ll be remembered for one playoff berth in 16 years, then for letting Rowell run off Chris Mullin, the exec who helped get them there.

He’ll be remembered for hiding from the public, even in the few good years. He’ll be remembered for not being able to speak coherently, even in the early years.

He’ll be remembered for his paranoia. He’ll be remembered for driving away legions of employees.

Most poignantly, Chris Metinko gathered reaction from Warriors fans everywhere:

"I mean, Voldemort would be better than (Chris) Cohan," said Warriors fan Guthrie Dolin, alluding to the infamous "Harry Potter" villain. "I think this is a case of the devil we don't know can't be worse than the devil we do know."

...

"I'm definitely surprised," said longtime season ticket holder Paul Wong, who started the "We Believe" movement during the playoff push in 2007. "But I'm ecstatic! I know it will be at least 100 times better than what we've had for the last 10 or so years."

...

"I am extremely happy Cohan has finally agreed to sell the team, but at the same time I am disappointed Larry Ellison is not the buyer," said Jeff Deeney, who had started http://sellcohan.com. "That being said, in the long run I think the fact Cohan is gone is the most important factor in all of this, and that is a huge positive."

...

"The main thing is just to get Cohan out finally," said 19-year-old Steven Ding, of Santa Clara, who started the website http://fansvscohan.com, where fans could sign a petition asking Cohan to sell. "Anyone could do a better job than Cohan — even me."

It should be a joyous day for Warriors fans everywhere. Whatever the new owner is like, just keep in mind it isn't Chris Cohan.