49ers Defensive Line Coach Jim Tomsula Prefers Less Coverage

The sports world is abuzz with the brouhaha between head coaches Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz following the San Francisco 49ers' victory over the Detroit Lions. But everyone is somehow overlooking the real story here: namely, the aggressive sexual bravado on display by 49ers defensive line coach and resident Lothario, Jim Tomsula.

Vneckjacket_medium

via Kissing Suzy Kolber

Tomsula, long the personal Ron Jeremy of the 49ers, has flown his freak flag on national television before, but each time he appears with his undershirt-less jacket unzipped far more than is socially acceptable, it's a moment to savor. Truly, here is a man who plays by his own rules. He's a shining star in his own mind, a big, bright, beautiful shining star. He's a pool boy, and the world is his cabana.

Tomsula receives such little airtime on television that it's borderline criminal. We're unlikely to revisit any time soon the Golden Age of Tomsula; namely, when he acted as San Francisco's interim head coach in week 17 of the 2010 season following the firing of Mike Singletary.

So let this serve as a lesson to seize upon these moments of unbridled glory. When Jim Tomsula appears on your television, larger than life, his chest hair plainly visible in high definition, take a moment to reflect. Maybe elbow your friend so the two of you can share the moment. This is a man whose every action suggests he's late to the Regal Beagle, where he's got a date with a trio of Swedish flight attendants. Perhaps each week the zipper will nudge tantalizingly lower, or perhaps he'll begin adding a series of gold medallions to externalize his swagger. His bravado.

It's clear that this is Jim Tomsula's world, and we're just living in it.

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