49ers Vs. Vikings: How Much Ass Will 49ers Kick?

As the game between the 49ers and Vikings approaches, the final question that crosses my mind is this: Just how much ass will the 49ers kick in this game?

I think it's clear that they're expected to kick said ass, but how can one measure how much ass has actually been kicked? Is it a matter of points that determines such a feat? Or rather, is it yards gained, allowed, etc? A good metric must be determined prior to this contest if we're ever going to be able to answer this ever-important question.

I would say that the Tampa Bay game in Candlestick Park last year was a good example of "ass kicked". I've long been hoping for a repeat, and actually felt it last week during the early stages of the Detroit game. While it may be more difficult on the road, in the loud environment of the dome, I think it's a real possibility.

Here are some ideas for the team to employ in order to kick as much ass as I'm talking about here:

  1. Move down the field at will. Make the defense look foolish for even showing up.
  2. Score lots of points. There's nothing like quickly handing the ball back to the opposition because you just effortlessly scored on them.
  3. Stifle any attempts by the opposition to move the ball. Loss of yardage, sacks, turnovers, etc. These are all good ways to demoralize the other team and crush their spirit.
  4. Even when you make mistakes, turn them into positives. The other team will throw their hands up as if to say, "#^%@ me! Can ANYTHING go our way?!!"
  5. Show swagger. After a sack, perhaps do a special dance, maybe the same dance the opposing QB does when throwing for a touchdown.
Completing these objectives will guarantee that the 49ers indeed kick ass. Nothing is guaranteed in this world, in this league...but if ass is not kicked by a team in red, white and gold on Sunday, well...I may need adult diapers and a cuss-jar. While I don't look past opponents, I do have expectations and I want my team to perform to their capabilities. If they're hitting on all cylinders, a ton of ass should henceforth be kicked.

For more on the San Francisco 49ers, join the discussion over at Niners Nation. You can also check out everything we have to offer at SB Nation's NFL hub.

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